Watching E!'s true hollywood story on the life of Heath Ledger, and then watching The Patriot right after is a not so good idea...don't do it. Trust me. O_O

*sob*

Yeah...I've been pretty absent. And I've no explanation for it. *snort* I've kinda just had this craving to stay off my comp and watch movies w/ my sisters/mom. Needless to say I'm behind in many things once again. *sad sigh* I apologize greatly to my flist- I'll probably not be able to get caught up as I did before, but I promise to try to do better from hence forth. :D And as for the Benny comm...yeah.

I almost feel as if I don't have the time to actually have a fandom in my old age. O_O When I was home schooled and sitting in front of my comp all day anyway- yeah sure. And then again...I'll see this most delicious picture of our dearly beloved Ben, and that theory goes straight to pot. So I figure I'm just going to have to take things by stride. :)

[random]Am considering going friends only soon. [/random]

I went ballroom dancing with a group of friends last night. My ex boyfriend was there too...
(  You can read mini ex-boyfriend rant if you so choose to...  )

I did buy some things to make my pages for Benny's Birthday Book (haha) project. Though now I feel I probably wont get that done in time. :( Well- I did get an actual birthday card for him that I was going to paste to one of the pages- so I'll probably just send that to him w/ a little extra letter inside it. :) It's probably just as well- since I really had no vision for the book to begin w/. *sigh*

My co-worker has kept me quite amused lately concerning our Benny boy...

(  Example...  )

Well- I've missed you all greatly. *hugs all around*

Well...just trying to pass the time, waiting for me mum and cousins to get here. I love my cousin Cory- he's so made of awesome. ^____^ He's doing our hair for my sister's wedding- and he's just bloody brilliant w/ it! I'm really excited b/c I think he's going to put long extensions in my hair. :D!! *bounces*

So anyway...

(  Narnia meme within...  )

*hugs all around*

I'm finally caught up in the Benny comm! *butter churn* I feel so relieved. O_O And I'm bloody proud of myself for it too. *nods*

Now all that is left to be done is update my icons- cause there's plenty of new pretties that I must have. If there's an option to have more than 100 userpics- I'm totally it's biggest fan. 8D

(  A little bit of pretty before bed...  )

Happy Ben dreaming, dearies! :) ♥♥

My boss has me going in @ 7:45 in the morning...7:bloody45!! *flails* Why not 8:00?? Heck- why not even 7:30?? O_O I have no idea why that time gets on my nerves so much. *snort* Good news is that she'll possibly be gone all day, and if the morning is slow- I get to catch up on my reading. :D And since I just started The Last Battle this evening, I'll be glad for it. I LOVED The Silver Chair- though the end made me sad a little. :( *sniff*

So I watched The History Boys last night and absolutely loved it! Very funny, and yet there's some serious issues delt in it. Dakin...:D I positively shiver at the thought of Ben playing such a snarky, devious, and flirtatious character! I could totally envision him through it all- and ooohhh how I wish that I'd been able to actually see him play it. He totally fits the part. :D

I'm still three paged behind on the Ben Barnes comm...*sigh* But as I've said before...I'm one determined little buggar. :D

Oh- a booty dance worthy announcement here: My boss is shutting down the cafe for the third and fourth!!! *does the booty dance with Ben* I'm totally excited- a four day weekend! *gets on knees* Thank you, Jesus. O_O

Hmmm...all a bit of silliness today, I'm afraid.

I'm finally caught up on my flist...and it's 3:00 in the bloody morning. O_O *huggles and smooches flist* You're all so bloody worth it. :D!!

P.S. Bigga Than Ben was A-MAZING!!! Ben totally blew me away! And was gorgeous beyond measure. Err...however, can't truly post a/b it at the moment...I'm a tad delusional- and I can't really be held responsible for anything I say past 2am...O_O

*hugs all around*

Oh hello all the wonderful people of livejournal!! I really went and did it this time- a whole week w/out computer. O_O So I did disappear for a little while, and I missed you all terribly!

(  Lonely places, bad jobs, and Benny withdraws...  )

*hugs all around* You're all such lovely people...I've missed you dearly! ♥♥♥

Oh...how I've missed this place! I haven't been on the comp really for the past three days...I nearly didn't survive. O_O Lol. But, I think the break was good.

Just a small update on things- everyone is doing a little better here. It's still hard, but my sister Joni came to see us from NJ. She owns Frodo's sister, Lila. It has been like therapy to have her here. She's like a smaller version of Fro. She makes all his sounds- and this morning Mo (Joni) put her up on the bed w/ me for a little bit, and Lila went straight to the spot that Frodo always went to when he slept w/ me. It felt sooooo good to have her in that spot. I had cried and asked the Lord, b/c I just wanted to feel that one more time. And he answered my prayer. :) It's a little bittersweet, but it has satisfied somewhat that feeling of "I just want to hold him one more time!!". The Lord knew exactly what we needed. He's so good. :D

Anyway- I miss Ben so much. O_O LOL! Like seriously...I miss him so much that I finally had a dream about him last night! *dances* I guess it just took me not thinking about him for a while (which is why I'm pretty sure I wont have another dream for a while lol!) and then I just happened to think about him last night and BAM!! :D So I'm like- waaaaay behind on not only my flist (so sorry, guys!) but on my Ben comm as well. I had to scroll back three pages in order to get to the spot I last was. *heddesk*

However- I figure I'll have plenty of time to catch up on everything next week, since everyone is leaving me. *sob* My sisters Emily and Shay are going back up to NJ w/ my sister Joni for the whole of next week. And then my mom is going down to FL to be w/ her mom (she's been in and out of the hospital this whole week)- hence leaving me all by meself for a whole bloody week. I might go insane. O_O *hugs Benny to self*

Well- that's all the update I'll give for now...this post is already about a foot long. *shakes head*

I did, however, promise a couple ppl I'd post the moment I finally have a dream a/b our dearly beloved Ben...*slightly wicked grin*

(  What I dreamt...  )

*hugs all around*

Thank you to everyone and your kind words! I know it's not easy to find something to say when someone is going through something like this- so I appreciate you taking the time to stop by and share in my grief a little- even though you don't know me. :) *hugs*

Today was...I think a little harder. B/c now that the tears aren't coming in such a ridiculous amount as a way of release- it all just kinda settled in my chest in the deepest ache I've ever felt. Plus- I had to go to work, which sucks anyway- but to have to be around ppl who just don't understand!! It was so hard. I could literally feel some of them thinking "It was just a dog." *shakes head* I must forgive and forget- they have no idea what it feels like, so they can't possibly understand.

Frodo had our love and our hearts- he is felt in every room and outside is even worse! In the back was his potty and play area- the side is where he is buried, and the front...*can't think about it*

So I had another big cry release (several in fact) when I got home. I think we all have actually. My poor mum...

Anyway so I was headin' to bed b/c everyone (but us working people) is sleeping down in the living room b/c my sister Emily doesn't want to go up to her room (plus she sprained her foot really bad when she jumped off the little wall in the front of our house when she ran out to the road so it's not like she can climb all those steps anyway) even though my mom cleaned all his stuff out of her room for her. She just doesn't want to go in it. I don't blame her- it's hard enough being in my own room and knowing exactly every place he would go to if he were in it. It hurts my heart...

So yeah- ANYWAYS...lol! I was about to shut down my comp but then ended up over at benbarnesfan. Ben made me smile. :) And I felt a little better just looking at pics and watching videos. As completely fangirl and highschoolish as it may sound- I really wish he were here. I bet he has a fantastic shoulder to cry on...:) *sigh* Plus- how could my heart ache like this if it's fluttering from his presence? Ha!

Ok- I'm going to bed now...

Oh, but first- to my flist: I will do my utmost to get caught up with you soon! I miss you all!

*hugs all around*

P.S. Note to self: stop listening to freaking sad songs while you're in mourning- you dolt!!!

Jesus help me!!! I don't even know how to express what I'm feeling or what is going on. I don't think I can write it down in words that anyone can understand- and that is the hardest part! I've never cried so much in my life- I've never cried to the point of not being able to cry anymore, even though I'm still crying on the inside...

(  Very long and heartbroken post...  )

I officially have Hyrise's Leading Me On as my ringtone! *runs crazy about the room*

(  I know you want to read all about this...  )

*hugs all around*

You know you've reached that certain point when 100 userpics isn't enough!! *flails* And even more so- when every single one you have consists of one single, gorgeous creature...O_O *tsk tsk* Well, it's not the first time this has happened...and I highly doubt it'll be the last. *huggles Benny*

Kay- watched The Other Boleyn Girl tonight and bawled the brown right out of my eyes!! O_O Seriously!! Alright- ignoring the fact that I just started (oh yes, girls- the big "started") tonight right after watching it, the end just had me literally sobbing! I did know it couldn't end very pleasant, but still...*sigh* *sniff*

And btw- I'm totally praising God that it's Friday...:D Ok, well...actually Saturday now that I've stayed up right through my Friday night. *shakes head*

*iz ded*

I want to go to sleep forever. O_O I was so fatigued today- and even though I know the weekend is coming, I've still no hope of a real sleep. x_x Two words- Yard Sale. *heddesk* Tis true that I don't quite have to get up as early as usual (some one's gotta stay home and watch the kids *evil giggle*), but still- my sister's pup still wakes up in the middle of the night, and much earlier in the morning than I'd like to know exists on a Saturday! *flail* And I still can't figure out why I'm posting an entry about being exhausted when it's 1:00 in the morning. O_O I could be alseep right now...

One more thing before I succumb to my desperate need-

I finished VDT last night. :D Guh! Ben is sooo right- this book is amazing!! I can't wait to see how they're going to do it in the movie form. C.S. Lewis had the most amazing imagination I've ever known to be in a grown person. O_O I'm now reading The Silver Chair and am loving it as well. :D

Anywho...

*hugs to flist*

		I will marry Ben Barnes.
		After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in Perth Scotland in our fabulous Mansion.
		We will have 12 kid(s) together.
		Our family will zoom around in a Brown 1967 Chevy Impala.
		I will spend my days as a Photographer, and live happily ever after.

About to leave to see Prince Caspian for my fifth time! *bounces about the room* Aaaaand we're also going to Barnes (:D) and Noble- so I highly intend to do a lil Ben/Caspian shopping. :D!!

Oh happy day!

Alright...I'm fully aware that we have all seen these, but if you're anything like myself- as I imagine a lot of you are when it comes to our bountifully beautiful Ben, you just can't look at him enough! And also- I'm just trying to make my journal a more pleasant, lovely, and beautiful place to visit. :D

Can you blame me? I don't think you can...

(  Jesus- take the wheel! O_O  )

On a rather amusing note- today I showed Ben's pics to a co-worker of mine, who is an older lady. And I introduced him as my future husband. So much to my bounteous pleasure- she couldn't get him out of her head (uhm, DUH! B/c he's gorgeous!!)- and frequently through the day kept referring to him as: "Your new boyfriend." It made me squee just a little inside. =D Even though it was a little disturbing when the words "your new boyfriend" followed other less attractive words like- "I'm gonna steal" or "I want to smell good for". Yeah...Not cool, Betty!! D:

*snort* I work with the most interesting people. ^__^ Wow. Longest post ever!!

♥♥

I'm about to leave to go see my our Prince! :D I'm sooo excited! I've been listening to the soundtrack non stop to get me pumped. I'm going to see it w/ my mom, and so I'm praying- for I fear I shant be able to contain myself. O_O

Found out the reason a few of the moods in my mood theme aren't working is b/c it's simply not saving either just the "g" or the "png" at the end. *heddesk* I even went as far as to hand type it in, but every time I hit "save changes" it's the same thing! Oh well...it will be alright. So long as I never feel contemplative, intimidated, sympathetic, pessimistic, disappointed, indescribable, mischievous, indifferent, or rejuvenated- it will all be fine. ^__^

Well- better go make sure my mum's up and ready to go! I'll tell Caspian you all send your love. :D ♥♥

*hugs all around*

I've just spent a good 5 hours uploading my new incredible mood theme. *kerplunk* By the end my comp is acting as if I'd thrown it down and kicked it about (which I was sorely tempted to do a time or two), however- it was all worth it. :D Cause it's pretty. All credit goes to pooja_r !! Much thanks. ^__^

I'm possibly going to go see Prince Caspian for the fourth time tomorrow night with my mum. *squee!bounce* And then again for my fifth time on tues with a friend. :D I did see the first one eight times in theaters- and one of those times was even in Europe. So as I see it- I've got a lot of catching up to do. *smirk*

Well, it's off to bed for me!

Well, I'm home! It took us exactly 16 hours once again, but it was all an adventure- which any road trip really ought to be if you can help it. :D

(  A bit of fangirlishness here...  )

Tonight is Merry and Pippin's first night of sleeping apart in separate cages. And for all of you that just did a double take b/c that gave you the best worst mental picture ever- Merry and Pippin are mine and my sister's puppies. ;D Anyway- *crosses fingers* So far so good!

Well- I'm in NJ w/ my fam having a grand ol' time! I got to sleep in today- which is like...my favorite. And tonight we're going to church b/c my brother is being ordained- the whole reason we're here to begin with. I'm rather looking forward to it since I'm getting to wear the new outfit I bought for it. *squee*

I'm surprisingly being able to keep up w/ the Ben comm I'm part of. *hugs to all my fellow Barnians* It's actually one of my favorite parts to the day! And it keeps me up to date- which, I can never complain about. ^__^

Anyway- just a bit of randomness for the day...